How Valuing Differences Can Make the Difference

Posted by Elliott Connie - February 9, 2019 - Solution Focused Therapy - No Comments

While attending the conference that I host each year, I was about to listen to a lecture about respecting the client, power, privilege, all of those things that cause our clients to accidentally feel judged or unheard. That lecture inspired this video, which is all about the beauty of difference.


So I’m here at my conference that I host every year, uh,
the SFU conference. We’re hosting it in a place called Taos New Mexico. And
Mexico is a very, very special place. So one of the things that makes it so
special is the Taos Pueblo is the longest place where first nations people have
been living continuously in the world. They’ve been on this land for thousands
of years. And um, I went and I met with a woman from the Taos Pueblo last night
I was, I was at a place called the gorge, which is a beautiful, amazing kind of
natural thing that happened millions of years ago perhaps with the ground split
and it goes down almost as far as the eye can see. And uh, there was a woman
there from the Taos Pueblo selling things that she had made crafts and jewelry,
just these beautiful things. And we started talking about her culture and her
culture values.

And she told me at one of the things she does to keep her
house positive and keep the negative energy out of her house is she does a sage
smudge every other day. To get the negativity out of her house and it got me to
thinking like I’ve never done a sage smudge in my life. I’ve never known
anybody did the sage smudge and one of the lecturers here at the conference
talked about the importance of using solution focused brief therapy with people
from other cultures and by the way everyone is from another culture and not
making value judgments on what they do. Just accepting people for who they are
and asking questions in a solution focused way to help them become a better
version of who they are and it just got me to thinking how often we
accidentally make value judgments and we talked to people as if their conduct
is wrong.

Just in our field and psychotherapist. I was like, their
conduct is wrong and thus we must change it as opposed to help people become
the better version of themselves. As I was talking to that woman, she
introduced me to the. To the native names of her children. She told me the
native names in English ever children. I mean, it was an amazing experience and
I couldn’t imagine. I couldn’t fathom wanting to make that woman any different.
I mean, she was beautiful, she was amazing. She was touching a and she was, she
had her own practices on how to be and stay positive. Um, and it’s not my job to
change her. It’s my job to help her become the better version of her. It’s my
job to help her be what she’s best hoping for. And I think it’s really
important to remember what our job is when we go into these psychotherapy roles
because I promise you, you’re going to hear things that are different, unusual
and odd when you listen to your clients, but never forget it’s not your job to
make people normal. It’s your job to make people the better version of
themselves. So, uh, I got to go. Got To kickoff the final day of this
conference, but thank you for watching this video. Please like, share,
subscribe, help me spread the message. Always leave a comment and never forget
you were always one question away from making a difference in one’s I’ve see
you in the next video.

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