The 1 Change You Need To Make To Never Get Stuck Using SFBT Again

Posted by Elliott Connie - October 10, 2019 - Solution Focused Therapy - No Comments

For the past few years I have noticed that a lot of people get stuck in their sessions when using the Solution Focused Approach. I am constantly asked “how to not get stuck”. Well, the good news is, it’s actually quite simple to do. The bad news is, it requires you to make a bit of shift in your thinking. This video explains it in detail and you’ll likely never be stuck again!


yo, what’s up? So, um, look, I’m here. I’m at the JFK
airport on my way to Moscow. Um, and I’ve got something on my mind that I
wanted to talk to you about before I got on this plane. I’m going to go teach
for a few days in Moscow, Russia. And um, what I was thinking about is like
I’ve been traveling a lot recently and I’ve been talking to people literally
all over the world, right in, in England and in the United States. And the one
thing that people keep asking me, it’s like, Elliott, how do I apply solution
focused brief therapy with, you know, this particular group of people, this
particular situation and not get stuck in session. And to be truthful, like
everybody wants to know how do I use solution focused brief therapy and not get
stuck in session because getting stuck in session, it’s such a difficult
experience.

It’s like no one wants to look incompetent. No one wants
to have that really anxious feeling when you’re doing therapy and really
frustrated that you can’t find the words to ask a question would be helpful.
And in order to do that I need to make a point. I need to explain something to
you that I think is really important. The most important thing to understand
about solution focused brief therapy is simple, is not synonymous with easy. So
I think the biggest mistake people make, I’m like, I’ve got to say this from
the bottom of my heart. The biggest mistake people make is because solution
focused brief therapy is theoretically simple. Thus it is easy to understand.
People miss an they like confuse that simplicity and that ease and the fact
that they understand the approach with the idea that they know how to do the
approach like just because you understand a thing does not mean you know how to
apply with skill.

The craft of that thing, and I think the biggest mistake
people make is they think because I understand solution focused brief therapy
that I don’t need further training, that I don’t need to access more work, that
I don’t need to practice because I won’t gain further understanding. Now that
might be true. You might not gain further understanding though. I think you
actually would, but what actually you would gain is like craftmanship. Most
people pursue training and they pursue understanding and because solution focused
brief therapy is so simple, you kind of start from understanding. It’s not very
difficult, not very confusing stuff, your complicated, but what you have to do
is build your craftmanship and in this field we don’t spend enough time
building our craftsmanship. People start, they get offered an opportunity to
learn more about solution focused brief therapy to practice or get training and
their brains tell them, well, no, I don’t need it because I already have
understanding, but don’t go after understanding.

Go after craftmanship. Some of the most brilliant solution
brief therapists I know Chris Iveson, Evan George, Jacqui von Cziffra-Bergs
Alesya Courtnage, all of these people, they solution focused. Brief therapy is
a craft and they can do things with language and questions that the average
clinician can’t do. Why? Because they spent a lot of time practicing and
building that skill and I see it, I see it all the time. Like every time I
travel and I offer courses and I teach things online, people let let their own
thinking get in the way of building the craftsmanship because they don’t pursue
learning opportunities because they feel like I already have understanding. So
what’s the point of getting more learning opportunities? Well, I’m here to tell
you the point is increased in craftsmanship because that’s actually what your
clients need. Guys. Like when you are sitting with a client who is struggling
with a real problem and life is really knocking them down, they don’t need a
professional who has high levels of understanding.

They need someone who’s a high level of skill of
helpfulness and connectivity and the ability to turn their words into questions
that could transform people’s lives. And you don’t learn that theoretically.
That is not something to understand. That is a skill to build. So I am here
begging you, do not let your own thinking get in the way of you building your
skill. Do not let that old default thinking of why do I need more training
since I already understand it? You need more training. You can always, always
sharpen your knife. I’m going to end this by telling you one quick story. I
believe Chris Iveson is the best solution book brief therapists I’ve ever seen.
I admire the man. I love the man. He is absolutely amazing. When I went to England
to do a training, I’d been doing solution focused brief therapy for about five
years.

At that time he’d been doing it for 25 years and I’d been
teaching and writing about solution focused brief therapy for only a couple of
years and I go to England to do an event and Chris Iveson sat in the very first
row and for two days was completely locked in attending to every word I said as
a lecturer and I was so blown away by this. Here’s this guy with an
unbelievable high level of skill and he is sitting in the first row of my
lecture paying unbelievable level of attention. Every time I made a point he
would take a note and every time I said get in the groups, he would get in
groups and he would do these practice exercises. He’s written multiple books.
He has been world renowned for more than a quarter of an of a, of a century.
And here he is sitting in my lecture in front row paying attention the whole
way.

At the end of the event I walked up to him and I said,
Hey, I thank you for coming. I’m really glad you came. How come you were able
to sit there the entire time and pay the level of attention? Did you pay? And
he said, because you can always learn more. And I wanted to see what I could
pick up. That is the mentality that you have to have if you want to master the
solution focused approach, become a craftsman, not a theorist. So thank you for
watching this video. I hope it encourages you. I want you to get out of your
own way so you can make a difference in clients’ lives because seriously y’all,
like you are always just one question away from making a difference in
someone’s life. So please like this video, share this video. Head on over to
YouTube and subscribe to my channel. Hit the little bells. You get
notifications. Head on over to my website, elliottconnie.com or I’ve got loads
of videos and other training opportunities. Like, I love y’all, man. That’s why
I gotta tell you this. Like your clients need you to be a craftsman. Your
clients need you to be helpful. They need something more than theory, so please
build it. Get get trained and keep getting trained. Learn the lesson from Chris
Iveson. You are master, you’ve been doing this forever, but keep going. People
need you fist bump.

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