The Cookie Jar

Posted by Elliott Connie - June 23, 2019 - Solution Focused Therapy - No Comments

In this video I share a little known secret about me that will lead into an epic lesson about the Solution Focused Approach. Something that’s true for every person everywhere!


so here’s something about me that most people don’t know.
Like the only people know this about me are people who are really, really close
to me, like my best friend, like you are going to be really close to know this.
It’s absolutely true. But every single day I watch at least one inspirational
video or movie. Um, like and I mean like on Youtube, I watch and look for some
of those inspirational videos. Even if I’ve seen them a thousand times, it just
helped me get really charged up and really inspired and have the energy to take
on the day. And I watched some movies like rocky or or something where there’s
like underdog overcoming a big old challenge. Like I do that every single day.
And recently I discovered a guy by the name of David Goggins who makes some of
the most inspiring videos and some of the most inspiring speeches I’ve ever
heard in his story is quite inspiring.

Little side note, if you go watch his videos, just a
warning, he curses a lot. But I really liked the videos and I was watching his
videos recently and I was just completely blown away by something related to
solution focused brief therapy that he said in his video. So David Goggins is
the guy, he’s a former navy seal and he’s the only seal ever to have gone
through three hell weeks in one year because he failed the first two before he
finally succeeded. He’s an ultra marathoner and those of you don’t know, and
ultra marathon is like 100 to 130 miles in a 24 hour time span. And this is the
guy who can push his body to physical feats that are just pretty incredible in.
And as he was doing his videos, he does this because he’s learned how to
control his mind. And in one of his recent videos he talked about this idea
that he refers to as the cookie jar.

And it got me completely think about solution focused
brief therapy. And what the cookie jar is is he says, every human being has a
cookie jar and a jar of suck everybody. All people on Earth have the cookie
jar. And a jar of suck. And he said, whatever, I’m going through life and I
experience fear or woe is me, or, or I start kind of pitying myself. I reached
into my cookie jar because in the cookie jar, that’s where I put all of my past
successes. So when I’m having one of those moments, I reached into my cookie
jar and I pull out, you succeeded in as it can became a navy seal. You figured
out how to run ultra marathons, you lost a hundred pounds when you needed to be
more physically fit. So all of these successes are in this cookie jar. And he
reaches into them when he needs to energize themselves to get out of some sort
of negative mindset or negative moment.

That has happened. And as I was watching this, of course,
I started thinking about exceptions and the idea of a solution focus
exceptions. Now David Goggins doesn’t have any psychotherapy training. He’s not
a counselor. He’s not a solution focused therapist. But he does know this thing
that we know that every single person has a cookie jar. And it made me realize
that David Goggins knows that every single person has a cookie jar, but every
person is unaware of their cookie jar. So one of the most brilliant things are
questions do is they take our clients into their cookie jar. Like for example,
I had a client not too long ago who was struggling with alcohol abuse and he was
trying really, really hard to get clean and sober from, uh, drinking over after
years and years of drinking. And I asked him after this was, we had our first
session, he came back and he looked completely despondent and he said to me,
I’m really, I’m sorry, I’m really bad.

I drank this week. Uh, and I said, okay, so what got
better in spite of you drinking this week? And he looked at me and it was crazy
because he viewed that whole week as a terrible week because he didn’t go a
week without drinking. And he looked at me and he said, well, I didn’t drink
every day. And I said, how did you do that? And he was able to explain to me
how he successfully avoided drinking. Most days in that week. And by answering
these questions, how did you do that? What led to you doing that? What was
your, what was your mindset as you do that? How did you accomplish that
success? Sorry, I gotta row.

As you can see them on a river. So every time he answered
a question about his success, every time I answered the question about what led
to him being so successful, he was going into that cookie jar and tapping into
his brilliance and tapping into success. And if you want to make a difference
in someone’s life, we have to be able to start helping them view themselves and
their, their ability to overcome a challenge differently. You know, solution
focused brief therapy doesn’t seek to solve the climate problem. It seeks to
build a client up so that they can take on the challenge in front of them. And
I think we can learn the approach. We can studies those folks. They’re people.
We kind of have to know the functionality of this approach in order to be truly
fluent and successful with it. So I want you all to think about this idea of a
cookie jar.

I want you all to tap in your own cookie jar and become
experts in buying clients into tapping into their cookie jar. So thank you so
much for watching this video. I’m going to go back and see if I could run
myself to the shore, which is way over there. But in the meantime, thank you so
much. If you liked this video, please like share and subscribe, comment below.
I would love, you know, I want to hear what’s the thing that your cookie jar
youre most proud of? The thing I’m most proud of in my cookie jar is, um,
that’s a good question. I’ll just say something easy that I’ve written a book.
I think there was one a time in my life I couldn’t have imagined writing book.
So the thing that I’m most proud of right now, my cookie jar is that I’ve
written a book. So what’s the thing you’re most proud of in your cookie jar?
Comment below, like share, subscribe, head on over to elliottconnie.com while
we’ve got loads of free things available to you and always, always forget you
are just one question away from making a difference in someone’s life. I’ll see
you in the next video.

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