The Mentality of the Undefeated

Posted by Elliott Connie - January 13, 2019 - Solution Focused Therapy - No Comments

When clients come to meet us, we are usually not meeting them at their best. In fact, in many cases we are seeing them at their worst. Not only is it hard for the client to view themselves through a positive lens, it can be even more challenging for the professional to do so. However, it is crucial that we find a way to think of the client in positive ways as therapy is less likely to be successful if this does not happen. I hope this video helps you remember something very important about each and every client you will ever see.


After spending so much time in so many years teaching
solution focused brief therapy, there was one thing to me that is very, very
clear and that is you have to understand this approach on a deeper level than
just the theory and even the techniques. You really have to be in touch with
the way that you think about people because this approach is so much about how
you talk to people and how you formulate questions. You have to be aware of how
you’re thinking about people because that guides how you talk to them. It’s,
it’s, it’s so important that we understand this and it’s what I, when you hear
me talk about what I call the mentality of the undefeated, um, that’s kind of
what I’m getting at because it, God’s the way you talk to people. Let me tell
you what I mean when I say the mentality of the undefeated.

Uh, you know, when I think back to some of the hardest
moments that have taken place in my life. In fact, I can tell you a story about
the hardest day of my life. It happened when I was 19 years old. And, uh, it
was a very difficult day, uh, that involved an interaction between me and my,
my father. Um, my father was a very angry, upset, abusive guy. And on this
particular day when I was 19, uh, it was the worst of the worst and I’m, I’m not,
I’m not going to go into detail here now. It’s not the place or a time to do
that, but it was just, this was a really, really bad day. But you know what? I
survived it and I got through it and I’ve gotten through and I’ve survived
every other bad moment that’s occurred in my life. I am literally undefeated
against the bad moments that have happened in my life.

I was teaching a Webinar a few weeks ago and somebody on
that Webinar said, but what about clients who have not had any successes in
their life? And when I get questions like that, I’m like, what? Like, you know,
in solution focused brief therapy, we treat people and we honor their
exceptions, meaning times in the past where they’ve had successes in this
person was asking me what about those clients who have had no successes or
positive things happened in their life? And I just thought, I mean that’s crazy
because not only am I undefeated against every difficult moment I’ve had in my
life, so is every person watching this video. So is every client you’re ever
going to see. We’re all undefeated in the way that we handle our struggles.
Everyone has had some success. Maybe that success is going from the third grade
to the fourth grade or maybe that success is building a successful multibillion
dollar business, but everybody’s had some success and it’s our job to treat
them in that way.

And even if you meet someone who literally has no success
to draw upon in the past, no positive things have ever happened to them. The
fact that they have survived it is the success. So we have to be able to treat
people and we have to be able to remember that every person we see is
undefeated against their hard moments because they’ve stayed in the fight, at
least up until the time when they came to see you and they cross paths with
you. And that’s what we have to treat them. Because if you treat people in that
way, it’s significantly God’s way. You talk to them and this approach, it’s so
grounded in the way that you talk to people. You really have to be aware in the
way that you’re thinking about people. So never forget, never forget that you
are one question away from making a difference in someone’s life, and that
often means you have to think about them in their most strongest, hopeful,
optimistic way, regardless of the circumstances. And one way that’ll help you
do that is to remember that every person you see is undefeated up against their
most difficult moments.

Okay?

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