Asking Questions is a SKILL, Not a THEORY… BUT WHY?

If you want to get really good at SFBT, you have to understand that there’s a SKILL in asking questions that you have to really work at. It takes practical experience, not just learning about it in an academic setting.

https://webinars.thesfu.com/sfbt-questions-masterclass-2024-signupto

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If you want to get very good at practicing Solution Focused Brief Therapy, you have to understand this one very simple, very clear, very direct idea. But it’s kind of different from what we’ve always assumed. And that idea is you have to understand that there’s a skill of asking questions. It’s not like a theory, it’s a skill. It’s something you can hone, something you can work at.

I know I’ve shared this before, but I tell people all of the time. When I was in graduate school, I worked really hard. I did all of the things that professors asked me to do. I read all the books, I read all the articles, I went to all the workshops, I did all the things. So when I sat down with a client for the very first time and attempted to practice Solution Focused Brief Therapy, I felt ready and prepared until that client spoke.

I will never forget that first client. He was like a 20 something year old young man. He was in college. His parents had brought him to the clinic I was working at at the time, because they were worried about him for whatever reason.

And the kid walked in and I remembered, man, okay, so Solution Focused Brief Therapy. It’s not about the problem, it’s about what the client wants to achieve.

So I said to this child, “What do you hope to gain from therapy?” And the kid said, “I don’t know.” And I remember thinking, “Oh gosh, what do I do?” “Who does know?” And he said, “I don’t know, you have to ask my mom.” I assumed his mom was in the lobby. And I said, “Oh, is your mom in the lobby?” He said, “No, she dropped me off and left. She’s gonna come back and pick me up.” And I said, “Well, if I called her, what would she tell me?” He goes, “I don’t know, you’ll have to talk to her.”

And it was just a series of I don’t knows. And nothing seemed to be working well. And that’s when I realized there’s a difference between knowledge and skill. And I made a commitment and a promise to myself that if I’m going to work in this field, I want to be helpful and useful to people. In order to do that, I had to really work and hone the skill.

The most masterful person I’ve ever seen with Solution Focused Brief Therapy is a man named Chris Iveson. And it was a year or two after I had that session that I met him for the very first time. He’s now one of my best friends. I love him dearly. And I saw him that very first time, and I just thought, his skill level is so incredible, and that’s what I wanted to do.

For the next 15 years, Chris and I have honed in and we talk a lot about mastering the art of questions. This has been our obsession. That’s the bond that we have. That’s what we do, we ask these questions. We really wanted to focus on “How does this happen?”

I told myself, if I’m ever in the position, I’m not going to teach necessarily just theory. I’m going to teach skill because I want people to get good at this approach. Because the work that you do matters, the clients that you serve matter.

So that’s why I host the events that I do. That’s why I do the things that I do. And it’s why I want you to know if you want to get good at Solution Focused Brief Therapy, you have to change the way you think about learning an approach.

Instead of thinking, “I want to learn that theory.”, you’ve got to think, “I want to acquire that skill.”

That’s why we do what we do.

It’s also, by the way, if you’re watching this video around the time that I released it, I’ve got a masterclass that I’m doing that’s all about the art of asking questions. It’s happening in a couple of days. I’ll put the link somewhere around this video so you can sign up. But even if you’re watching it after this, you can’t sign up. Just remember…

Study psychotherapy to master the art of the skill. Not just about studying a theory. Acquire the skill, not just the knowledge.

I knew this was a problem early in my career when I was lecturing at a conference and somebody walked up to me and said, “Which lecture are you giving?” And I said, “I’m speaking in that room over there, and I’m talking about Solution Focused Brief Therapy.” And the guy said, “Oh, I’ve already been trained on that.” And then he left. Guys, you can’t take that attitude.

You’ve got to keep working, growing, and build your skill. That’s the key.