How to Change Your Mindset When Your Spouse is Toxic

Welcome back to a Real Talk with Elliott, where I answer your questions to help you have a better life.

Today’s question comes from 333LovelyLaura. What’s up Laura? And Laura says, “I hear you!” After watching one of my YouTube videos she says, “I hear you! And I get it! Thank you!” Laura, thank you for the support and enthusiasm. I love it.

And she says, “Thank you! Now will you please address this- Please list simple exercises to help train the mind to break loops that turn themselves on with self-doubt, victimization and feeling worthless because of their spouse’s words and actions and unaccountability. Codependency runs deep even in some [of us] whom are self-aware.”

Okay, you were really specific. Like, how do you change those thought loops when it’s created by a spouse saying and doing horrible things and being unaccountable and whatever. So here’s how I’m gonna answer that….

The easiest way to change your thought loops is to do something different. It wasn’t a spouse, but it was my dad. And I’ll tell you, my father gave me lots of opportunities to have self-doubt. And he was very critical and very mean. Very all those things. And I think what you have to do is look for evidence that the person who was spewing those messages, that they’re wrong.

The truth is, I believed my father, when he was giving me those messages of all of the things that I was not good at and not great at, and all of the failure messages that became my thought loops, I believed him. And I eventually started living my life looking for evidence that he was incorrect. And I was capable and I was worthy, and I was positive, and I was good. And as I started finding evidence of my goodness, as I started believing in myself, those thought loops changed.

So, I don’t know if I have a simple exercise other than go through life looking through evidence that people giving you negative messages are wrong, and people giving you positive messages are right. Look for evidence that you are strong, you are worthy, you are lovable, you are worthwhile. Look for all of evidence that that’s true. And as you find that evidence, it will change the thought loop and thought patterns that you have for yourself. And that’s the best way to address it.

So, 333LovelyLaura, I hope that that helps you and I hope that makes a difference, and anybody out there struggling with something similar, I hope that helps you too.

Now, if you want me to make a video for you, please leave a comment below, send me an email. You can even text me to 9 7 2 4 2 6 2 6 4 0. I really would love to make a video for you.