Practice Makes Fluency

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So I want to take you guys back. If you’ve been following me for a while, then you probably remember a video of me doing archery in my backyard, missing the target by about three feet, clunking an arrow into a wooden fence that I had just paid like $10,000 to be installed. But today it’s now about a year later, and I want to show you the progress that I’ve made as an Archer, because I want you to understand the importance of working towards progress, not perfection. I want you to understand honing your craft, and I want you to understand passion and taking something seriously.

My colleague and I, Dr. Adam Froerer, we often talk about learning Solution Focused Brief Therapy as a language and pursuing fluency in that language. And to me, there’s a correlate in that and learning every other skill like archery. You know, when I first started, I had no, I guess what I’ll refer to as, archery fluency, I had never done it before. I didn’t know the mechanics of pulling the bow string back using a quick release. I didn’t know how to use the sight to aim. I knew none of that stuff, but now here we are all of these months later and I’ve gotten much better.

So let me do a quick demonstration and show you I’m going to shoot at a target. Let me see. There’s a target 20 yards down range, 30 yards down range, 40, 50, 60. So I’m going to shoot at various targets because I want you to see, look at what happens when you practice, practice, practice, and you practice with the intention to master a skill.

The first thing we want to do is tell you like, this is not like Hawkeye, like those of you who’ve been watching the Marvel series or the Marvel cinematic universe. And I am one of them. I’m a huge Marvel fan, but this bow is called the compound bow. You can tell by these things, which I call cams and you know, you see Hawkeye and he pulls out his arrows and he was like, boom, boom, boom. That is actually not how you shoot a compound bow. I’m not even sure what the bow he shoots is called a recurve. I’m not even sure that’s how you shoot a recurve. I think that’s more like cinematic magic.

You’re gonna watch me really struggled to pull this bow back. And the reason I’m going to struggle to pull this bowl back is because it takes 70 pounds. This string is weighted to 70 pounds. So, so like, if you look, the string doesn’t even move, right? Because you have to, you have to pull 70 pounds of weight to pull it back. And that’s a bit heavy. So you’re going to watch me struggle.

And I don’t want you guys judging me. So that’s what I’m telling you. This is not Hawkeye. You don’t pull a bow like this back, like, boom, boom, boom, you pull it back with the release like this. And it’s hard to do, but watch where I hit this target. So the target’s kind of mangled and there’s no like bullseye on the target. So I’m going to aim. There are a word there’s a word across there. I’m going to aim just above that word. So you guys will be able to see that practice has paid off.

Look at that nearly perfect. I’m going to shoot three. That was exactly where I aim to put it. Look at that. All right, come with me, come get them. Now look, I’ve got an amazing crew of people that work for me to make everything look magical. I’ve got a great camera, man. This is his first video shooting with my team by the way, I’ve got a great digital creative her name’s Helen. She’s been with me for a while and their jobs to make me look wonderful on camera, but there was no editing here. Look at that grouping, right? There’s no editing.

So how did I do that? How did I go from not being able to hit the target at all, to putting three shots exactly where I wanted them and having such a tight grouping. And what does that have to do with Solution Focused Brief Therapy questions? So the way that I did it is with practice and practice is a really important thing because you have to be willing to do something while you’re a novice, until you become an expert. And that means risking looking stupid. That means risking embarrassment. That means risking mistakes.

That means risking missing your target and Solution Focused Brief Therapy questions work the same way. Like I can remember when I was a novice and I would be less than confident when I was asking the questions I was asking and I would enter into the conversation with a client, hoping my question would make a difference and hoping that the client would give an answer.

But now, as I’ve moved from novice to expert, just like here in the archery range, when I pull that arrow back, I know what’s going to go where I’m sending it. And now when I’m working with clients, when I ask a question, I do so with confidence, because I know through my experience that this is the type of question that my client needs to answer, to experience a groundbreaking transformative difference in their life. And I know that when I ask a client a question that it’s going to be something that once they come up with an answer to that question, it’s going to make a difference in their life.

And I know they can answer it even when they struggle, even when it’s hard, even when it’s difficult. I know that if I stick with it and I’m persistent while being patient, gentle and respectful, I know that my client will give an answer that will transform their lives. That’s how, in essence, you get here by not giving up through the journey of novice to expert, because on that journey, there are roadblocks. On that journey there are difficult times on that journey. There are speed bumps, but while that stuff was happening, you just don’t give up.

You know, I’ve come out to this range when it’s been cold, when it’s been hot, when there’ve been mosquitoes, when it’s been getting dark, because the sun was going down, when it was right in the middle of the, of the, you just have to keep at it. You can’t let things stop you while you’re on the journey from novice to expert. And I want you so badly to be a question asker with expertise, with confidence, with competence that I’m going to keep inviting you into the archery range of Solution Focused Therapy.

I’m going to keep inviting you on the journey between novice and expert, and I’m going to be your guide and I’ll hold your hand and I’ll walk along with you and I’ll walk alongside you. And I’m going to let you know that I have the same journey as well. When I first got started, I wasn’t the way I am now. You know, I’m humbled that people referred to me as the best in the world. Elliott is one of the best question askers in the world. And he’s a global leader in Solution Focused Brief Therapy, but it didn’t start that way.

Just as you can watch that video of me shooting an arrow, missing the target by feet. Wow. That’s pretty serious. I didn’t come anywhere near my target and you probably can’t tell, but we have a new fence up that I have now just put a hole in.

If you watch video of me doing therapy on day one, my questions were missing by feet. I mean, my questions were all over the place, but now you get to see me on the other end of that journey from novice to expert. And this whole process is about me bringing you on that journey as well because your clients deserve it and you deserve it.

Like your clients deserve to work with someone that’s gone on that journey. Your clients deserve to work for someone that’s going on that journey. Your clients deserve to work with someone that’s being led by their passion and love for work and people and enjoy and watching people heal. And you deserve to walk into that calling of being a psychotherapist. So that’s what this is about.

I found this hobby. It was so interesting. I was, I was in my house bored to tears during COVID and I wanted to find a hobby that just got me outdoors and moving around. And I went to a store, an outdoor store called Bass Pro Shops. And honestly, I couldn’t tell you why it was at that store.

And once I was at that store, couldn’t tell you why I walk to the archery place, but you know, God or some divine intervention, there was a bow that costs like $200, which was an amount I was willing to spend to just see. I’ve never owned a bow in my life. And the moment I pulled the arrow back, it was clearly something that I was passionate about. And I mentioned that because you have to get passionate about working with your clients. You have to get passionate about watching the change process happen in your clients’ lives.

Because actually what carries you on the journey from novice to expert is while it’s hard, you’re so in love with the process. You’re so in love with what you’re doing, that you keep doing it and you keep pressing on. And before you know it, you’re hitting the target exactly where you intend to hit the target. All right. So I’m about to try something I’ve never tried before, which the video that I made at home, that I keep talking about where I missed the target. I was 17 and a half yards away from my target.

You’ve seen me shoot today at 20 yards and 40 yards, but I’m now going to attempt the largest or the longest shot where I’m going to shoot at 80 yards. One of the reason I wanted to demonstrate this is because I keep saying of this idea of becoming fluent in Solution Focused language, and coming fluent in a skill. And once you become confident, you become agile. You become flexible. You become able to amend and adjust to what you’re doing.

You know, so I’m working with a new camera man today. His name is Dennis. And I can notice that he is agile. Like, as the sun shifts, he shifts. As the wind shifts, he shifts. As I move, he moves. Because he’s been practicing the art of telling a story via film and camera and picture and video, that when variables change, he adjust to the change. So I’m out at this range now, I’ve never shot at 80 yards. So let’s just pretend the variables have changed. And I now have to make a harder shot just in the same way that you guys ever been doing therapy and like the session’s going along.

And then the client like drops this bomb of like childhood abuse, childhood trauma, or, or something has happened in their life or relationship. Some level of addiction has been uncovered. It’s like, oh, this bomb has been dropped. You’ve gotta be agile, flexible, and be able to adjust to the variables. But once you’d mastered the skill, then you can adjust to the variable. So I think I’ve done pretty good in my year of practice, but let’s see if I’ve done good enough to aim at a target that is 80 yards away.

So I’m going to adjust my sight so it’s ready for a much longer shot. Now to this point, I’m not making this up. To this point, they have not had to edit any shot. Every shot you’ve seen me make so far was the genuine shock. They didn’t edit out any bad shots. They didn’t edit in any good shots. We didn’t go in like put the arrow where I want it to, like these have been legitimate shots. So let’s see if we can keep this up.

Cause 80 yards is going to be a long shot. Here we go. Now I’m going to, if you look down the range at the target that I’m aiming, it’s multiple targets down there, but the target that I’m aiming at, there’s like a deer in the middle of the target. And for all of you people I’m not hurting a deer. It is a drawn picture of a deer on a target. And I’m going to see if I can hit that deer,right center in the deer picture, right center of the deer’s body.

Oh, that is so far that I actually can’t see it, but I heard that it hit the target. So that’s a, that’s a good sign. This is so crazy fun. All right. Last one. Let’s see how close I got. I’m not a hundred percent sure I’m hitting that deer. And on some level I don’t even care. 80 yards is a long shot and two for two, I’ve hit the target. That’s making me ecstatic. Three for three. Let’s go see how I did. All three on the target. Didn’t hit the deer, but that’s a long shot. That’s crazy.

So there you go. Practice makes fluency. I don’t like the phrase practice makes perfect, but practice leads to fluency. And when you have fluency, you can do crazy things in whatever skill you’re pursuing. So thanks for watching this video, please like this video, share this video, subscribe to my YouTube channel, follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. And I’ll see you on my next adventure.