Therapy is Done from the Heart

So we are super excited because we’re finally able to get back out and do in-person trainings. This month’s training (I’m gonna try to do them roughly monthly) was in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, one of our favorite places to visit. It’s been an amazing two days. We just ended the two days. Now, every time Adam and I get together to teach, we explain something in a little bit of a different way that kind of hits more home to the way that we work. And today we were talking about love and the way love shows up in therapy.

We’ve been talking about love for a really long time, and the fact that therapy is an act of love. It’s something that you do from your heart. And the moment you understand that, and lean into that, and accept that, is the moment you get better at it. But we actually talked about it in a little bit different way this time, a little bit like more explanatory way. So that is true.

And then this. So Adam, what was the other thing that you were saying? Because I thought it was super important. You hadn’t said it like this before. I want you to say It.

[Adam:] One of the questions that came up during this training is that people asked, “What do I do if I get stuck?” And one of the things that we talked about is in some sense, we get stuck because our attention has shifted from our client to us as the therapist. We start thinking, “What if they find me out? What if I don’t know what I’ve been doing? What if I can’t help this person?”

One of the things that we talked about is really, “You’re not stuck, you’re questioning your own self.” So this concept of love really applies here as well, is really, in order to do your job, and to do it well, you have to love yourself. You have to accept yourself. You have to come to this process completely as yourself.

When you get to that place, you can keep your focus and attention focused on the client instead of on you. So really when we get stuck, it’s an indication that there’s probably something about ourselves that we feel uncertain about, which really just needs a bit more self love.

[Elliott:] I think that’s so true. Look, this isn’t surprising. If you’re more authentic, you’re gonna be more effective, you’re gonna be a better clinician. If you show up as your true self, you’re gonna be more connectable to your clients and create more change. We’ve known that, since Rogers, authenticity is one of the things. We’ve known it in our field.

When you’re actually in the room doing the therapy, it becomes so easy to doubt yourself. It becomes so easy to question what you’re doing. And we don’t want you to do that.

You are not perfect, but you need to love yourself, own who you are, and show up authentically to make a difference for your clients.