Why do Therapists Limit Client Hope to ”Reality?”

A lot of you are messing up your work with your clients from the very beginning, and you don’t even know it. Let me explain.

When I first came to the Solution Focused approach, it was described as a positive way of working with clients. And over the years, I have liked that word positive, less and less. What I now think is the best way to describe what the Solution Focused Brief Therapy approach actually is, is it’s a limitless way of working with your clients.

When I say limitless, I mean like, when you ask your client about what we call the desired outcome, usually by saying, “What are your best hopes from our talking?”, we’re asking for their most limitless dream. I mean, something that seems astronomical, that seems unattainable, that seems unachievable, because that’s actually the thing that we need to be describing in therapy.

I was just thinking, like, I flew, I’m currently in Miami and flying down here, I flew from Dallas to New York City, and then I hung out at a TV studio / radio studio, the number one podcast in the world, all day. And then we flew here to Miami, Florida, where tomorrow I’m gonna be in a rap video about mental health with a major rapper.

And I thought of all of that, and here I am wearing all Armani. And I was thinking, there was once a time in my life that this would’ve seemed unimaginable. This would’ve seemed completely unattainable. This would’ve seemed ‘out of control’ of a dream. But that’s exactly what reality has led to.

I think a lot of times when we ask people what they want to achieve, they think of bare minimum, they think of just barely, they think of ‘getting by’. But we wanna know, like, “What’s that thing that would like blow your mind if it were to happen? What is that thing that if you dream without limits, you’d be able to see yourself achieving?”

When I came into the therapy world, I really just wanted to help clients. I had no idea that I would transform the field and I would be such an advocate for diversity, and I’d be the leader and face of this approach. And I’d have this big,

massive following, this big massive platform and this big massive responsibility. And that’s why I think it’s so important that I let you know, you’ve gotta start thinking about the Solution, Focused Approach as a limitless way of working with clients. And I don’t mean limitless like you yourself can help every single human. I just mean like invite your clients to describe their future in the most limitless way possible.

That’s when you’re really doing solution focused work. I stand in this space as an example of limit of limitations, not existing. I never imagined that I would be in this position ever. The position I find myself in now is crazy. If you had asked me just 10 years ago and 10 years ago, I’ve already written two books. I’d already been traveling the world.

I was already on my way to doing some pretty cool things in this field. But in the past few years, it’s just gotten astronomical. And I never imagined it was true. And if that’s true about me, then it’s true about everybody. I actually don’t think I’m that special. I think if it’s true for me, it’s true for absolutely everybody.

And your job is to unlock your client’s limitless futures and watch what unfolds in their lives.