Why I Don’t Give Clients Suggestions

I really honestly think our field has lost its way. We’ve been convinced that it’s our job to solve people’s problems, but that’s not what psychotherapists do, and it’s never been what we were intended to do.

What psychotherapy is about, it’s about healing. It’s not about solving problems, it’s about healing people and making sure they are on a healing journey. The world is hard and it’s constantly gonna do hard things, and there’s sometimes nothing we can do to solve that, but there

I remember when I got into this field, and I was just like everybody else. I’d been brainwashed into thinking it’s my job to give advice and suggestions that will help people solve their problems. But I is very quickly, once you make a suggestion to someone, there’s only three outcomes and they’re all bad.

First outcome, and the most hopeful outcome. If I make a suggestion to you, you will do it and it will work. So what’s bad about that? If I make a suggestion to you and you do it and it works, who gets the credit for the change? I do, the psychotherapist, and the client doesn’t get that good feeling of like, “I solved my problem. I used my skills, I used my abilities. I used who I am to deal with this situation.” They end up blaming you, which ends up creating a relationship of dependence and doesn’t cause them to feel like they can handle life on life’s terms going forward. realized very quickly, once you make a suggestion to someone, there’s only three outcomes and they’re all bad, first outcome and the most hopeful outcome. If I make a suggestion to you, you will do it and it will work. So what’s bad about that? If I make a suggestion to you and you do it and it works, who gets the credit for the change?

I do the psychotherapist and the client doesn’t get that good feeling of like, I solved my problem. I used my skills, I used my abilities. I used who I am to deal with this situation. They end up blaming you, which ends up creating a relationship of dependence and doesn’t cause them to feel like they can handle life on life’s terms going forward.

And the third most likely thing that will happen, or the third option of things that could happen is I will give a suggestion to the client of what to do, and then for one reason or another, they don’t do it. And the reason that happens is because we don’t typically do things that we don’t take ownership of. So if I ask my client to do something, they’re gonna feel like they didn’t play a role in that, and we are significantly less likely to do things that we don’t play a role in. the blame for that? I do. And the client never really takes ownership of their behavior and their problems because they keep blaming me. And the third most likely thing that will happen, or the third option of things that could happen is I will give a suggestions to the client and of what to do, the blame for that? I do. And the client never really takes ownership of their behavior and their problems because they keep blaming me. And the third most likely thing that will happen, or the third option of things that could happen is I will give a suggestions to the client and of what to do,

The truth is it’s not really about that at all.

Therapy is about healing and helping people feel whole again after some tremendously bad thing has happened. I’ve talked very openly in books and on stages about my childhood and some of the difficult abuses that I experienced, and that was hard. But in the healing journey, I realized that those hard pasts don’t have to dictate and create a hard future. to dictate and create a hard future. to dictate and create a hard future.

That’s what healing is about, is honoring and owning, like this is a part of my story, but it does not have to dictate how the rest of my life goes. You can’t give a suggestion to me on what I need to do to deal with what happened, but you can help me heal so that I can grow beyond it. You can help me heal so I’m not held back by it.

You can help me heal. So I’m proud of who I am in spite of what I went through, and that is the point of therapy.

You can help me heal. So I’m proud of who I am in spite of what I went through, and that is the point of therapy.

You can help me heal. So I’m proud of who I am in spite of what I went through, and that is the point of therapy.