Why Necessary Change Makes us Uncomfortable

So I’m going through something that kind of makes me uncomfortable. I would almost even call it scary in my life right now. And it’s making me think about what my clients deal with each and every day in the work that I do as a Psychotherapist. But before I get to that, let me tell you a little bit about what I’m going through.

For many, many years, I’ve been a Psychotherapist and had a private practice, still have a private practice, and I write books. And I started traveling around the world, teaching people to do Solution Focused Brief Therapy. Now, the scary thing that has happened is I’ve built this massive brand, the biggest training organization in the world dedicated to Solution Focused

Brief Therapy, like this massive, massive brand that we call The SFU, The Solution Focused Universe. And then, so I’ve started working in LA on some TV projects, and it’s getting really close. Like we have, I’m working with Tiffany Haddish, who’s gonna be the executive producer on the show. And I’ve got a production team already, like we’re getting really close to being able to tell you what network and the streaming service and where you can find it.

But I now realize I’m gonna have to make some changes in my business because I’m gonna be off doing television work. And I’m telling you, it is so scary because change is scary and it actually doesn’t matter whether those changes are positive or negative. Like change in and of itself is scary. Like I had a really comfortable life and things were working really well and, and my business was going well, but then this opportunity comes that I have to take advantage of and it’s, it’s causing me to have to make some changes in my business world.

And I was talking to my team last night about these changes we have to make, like we gotta make some changes to our website, we gotta make some changes to different people’s roles. We gotta make some changes. And it made me realize that sometimes therapy is challenging because change in and of itself is scary. Like I’ve been working with couples for years, and oftentimes if you talk to a couple about changes they need to make in their relationship, you experience a hesitancy, they experience changes an obstacle.

Where me as the mental health professional, I know that the changes are positive, but changes in of itself is scary because we get comfortable in our current circumstances, whether or not those circumstances are good for us or not is not really relevant. We get comfortable doing what we do and being who we are. So when someone comes in, even a licensed professional and says, hey, here’s some changes you need to make, and if you make these changes, life will be better. People often have a resistance to it because change is uncomfortable. Now I’m really excited. Like I can’t believe I get to do the things I get to do, and I, I can’t believe I get to do them with the people I get to do.

And I, I get to meet these amazing people who’ve done these amazing things, and it’s so surreal to talk to them, But it’s also uncomfortable because I have to make certain changes in my business world to facilitate these new growth opportunities I’m having. So when you’re working with your clients, remember, like you are inherently making your clients uncomfortable because you are consistently talking about change.

Even if that changes positive, and even if through your training and education, you know that if you implement these changes, your life will be better. It is still change and change makes us uncomfortable. Logically. I know life will be better on multiple levels after I make these changes.

And when I’m like on this TV show and on this TV journey, like logically I know, but there’s an uncomfort associated with it because I was so comfortable in my previous life as a lecturer and as a trainer and as a psychotherapist, and as an author. Now when you add like television entertainer, there’s an uncomfort associated with that. And I think we just have to remember that like, I, I get real frustrated when, when Psychotherapists talk about their clients as resistant and they’re not, they’re not answering the questions, right? And all these things.

Well, the reason is because you’re making them uncomfortable by facilitating a conversation about change. And that’s what happens is we get uncomfortable and we want to recoil back to our comfort zone. And I’ve experienced that. Like I really have experienced that.

I’ve been out in LA and in Hollywood, and people ask me to do things and, and they’re like, fine things like, like go meet that person. And I can feel myself being like, I’ve seen that person on television and in movies, and I’m uncomfortable going to talk to them because it’s a new world where I’m like interacting with these people and I want to recoil back to my comfort zone.

But it’s okay to acknowledge change in and of itself is just difficult. Your clients aren’t being difficult. Your clients aren’t not responding. Your clients aren’t being resistant. They’re just being hesitant because a conversation about change is a conversation that makes them uncomfortable. So remember that like people just get uncomfortable when you talk about change, whether it’s a good change or a bad change, and keep that on your mind as you work with clients.