Why the Right Questions Have a Massive Impact

When I first heard about SFBT, I was admittedly skeptical. But then, I learned the power and value of asking the RIGHT questions to my clients.

PREORDER OUR NEW BOOK

The original method I was trained to do psychotherapy was cognitive behavioral therapy, or better known as CBT. But I was really frustrated when I was working with that approach to therapy. It wasn’t how I wanted to be as a therapist, like helping people identify their deficits and focusing on their problems. It didn’t sit well with me, and I don’t think I was as good of a CBT therapist as I could have been with other approaches, which ultimately led me to Solution Focused Brief Therapy. But more than that, I was really, really frustrated with the outcomes I was achieving with my clients.

Clients would come back to therapy and they would tell me that they didn’t do what we talked about in the previous session. They would tell me they forgot what we did in the previous session. Sometimes while we were doing the session and we get to the end of the therapy session and I’m going to give them a task to do, they would tell me, “Oh, you don’t know my kid or my spouse, that won’t work.” And you have to rework things. It was just a really frustrating experience.

I’m so grateful that I found Solution Focused Brief Therapy because I remember literally from the first session, I was talking, my first session I ever did Solution Focused Brief Therapy with. It was a mom and I was doing home visits at this time. So I went to visit this family’s home. That was the job I had. I was working for an agency. We did home visits.

I went to this home and this mother had a son who wasn’t following any rules. I mean, like nothing. She couldn’t get him to take a shower, do his homework, do his chores, and they were just combating all the time. And this kid was probably twelve years old, let’s say.

And I remember asking if you woke up on a day and somehow mysteriously he had done all of his chores already, what kind of mom would he have instead of the mom that’s combating him all the time and frustrated with him? If you just woke up tomorrow and for whatever reason, all of his chores, his homework, everything was done to your satisfaction, not perfectly, because he’s twelve, but to your satisfaction, what kind of mom would he have on that day?

And she said, “I would be praising him, I would be loving on him, I would be supporting him, I would be so happy with him and I would express that happiness.” And we had a session about how would you express that you were happy with him? I would hug him and she just said all these things she would do to let this twelve year old know that she was happy with him.

And the twelve year old who was present for this conversation broke down in tears. And he said, “Mom, I don’t ever think you’re happy with me.” And instead of saying that’s because you don’t do your chores and you know, the combat pattern, she said, “Son, I’m always happy with you and I’m sorry that this chores thing has gotten in the way of me expressing it.” And she gave him a hug.

A week later, I came back to the home for a follow up visit and the mom tells me that it’s been the best week she’s had with him. He’s done all his chores, he’s done all his homework, and they have been happy together. And their relationship was significantly better than it was just a week before.

And I was blown away. I was in shock. To be very honest with you, when I first got introduced to Solution Focused Brief Therapy, I was skeptical about it. It made total sense to me, which is why I decided I was going to give it a go.

But I was skeptical. Does this stuff really work? How do you help people with problems if you’re not helping to investigate those problems in a serious way? But after seeing that family, I was just like, holy cow. This approach based on questions and client answers has massive impact.

Over the years, I have hundreds if not thousands of stories like that. And over the years, I would talk to my best friend and colleague, Dr. Adam Froerer, about these things that were happening in my office, and he would share things that were happening in his classroom and in his practice.

And we kept saying to ourselves, “It would be so cool if there was a book, if we could write a book about questions. And that would teach the reader how to ask themselves the kind of questions that produce those kinds of outcomes. Solution Focused Brief Therapy is so powerful and how can we make it even easier for people to access by putting it in a book.

We have been talking about that for ten years. We’ve been talking about that for such a long time. That story I just told you, that was literally the first client I ever worked with using Solution Focused Brief Therapy and hundreds if not thousands more I would talk to Adam about, “Man, this would be so amazing if we could make this even more accessible by putting it in a book or something. People could read and learn to ask themselves the kind of questions that would completely transform their lived experience.”

Well, I’m so excited because we did that. Last year we spent a whole year working on this book, writing this book, editing this book, just really working to hone this book. And in less than a week, actually, a little more than a week, it’s going to be available for the general public, for you guys to read. And we are so excited about the launch of this book.

So I want to encourage you to do two things. Go buy the book. I promise you, it’s going to transform your life. It’s going to make a massive difference in the life of you, your loved ones, your family, your friends. When you learn how to talk to yourself differently and ask yourself questions that are connected to outcomes, your life instantaneously changes. Your life instantaneously transforms. Your life, instantaneously gets better.

And if you’re watching this video, it’s very likely that you’re a coach or a psychotherapist or a social worker or somehow a helping professional. This is the kind of book that I want you to give to all of your clients. So put this book on your highest recommendation level once you get it, because I just think it’s going to help support your work and help clients make massive transformation from coming to see you.

I’m super excited that this book, in a little bit over a week, it’ll be out and available. You can pre order it now, which Adam and I would greatly appreciate. Pre orders, tell the publisher that people are ready and waiting for the book. So that would be amazing. But when the book comes out on August 27, go buy the book. It would mean the world to myself and the world to Adam.

And thank you guys for being here and supporting us along this journey. This would not be happening if not for you.

So look, love you guys. Thank you so much. And please support this book in the way you’ve supported everything else in our work. It would mean the world to us.

By the way, I want to point something out. I’m on this beautiful rooftop in Los Angeles, California, and I was looking for a cool place to shoot. And if you can see right there is the Hollywood sign. You guys see it? It’s right there, the Hollywood sign. I still can’t believe that I get to do work out in Los Angeles, working on my tv show, and reaching millions of people with the message of Solution Focused Brief Therapy.

This book is a big part of that. So thank you.